Sunday, 18 September 2016

The Click....

The click...

This year I decided it was time to venture into the dating scene. Flip me I felt like an alien who had just landed on earth. So much to learn. It's funny because when people used to talk about the dating 'world' I often did an internal giggle, as if to say well it can't be that bad. Oh how I was wrong. The dating world is a weird and wonderful place full of both incredibly simple and severely complicated individuals. It is a complete train wreck of people and does a successful job of messing with ones brain. 

So I've been 'dating' for only about 4 months now, and it took me a while to even have the balls to go on a date with a guy. However now I have been on a few my friends are pretty sick of me talking about them. I think they are also sick of me getting messed around. But the thing that annoys them the most is when I come off a date and they ask how it went and I say, well we just didn't click. They all sigh and roll their eyes and say well you need to see them again! Give them another chance! 
No. You may disagree but I'm a firm believer that if you just don't 'click' on the first date what's the point in the second. Now by click I don't meant fireworks and passion and I want to marry this guy, I mean conversation that flows, laughter and the wanting to get to know them more. You know it's been a good date if once it's over there is a part of you that wants to see that person again, and get to know more. Now I'm no dating guru but I know if I get on with a guy or not. 

The one thing about the dating world is just how much it makes you look at yourself. You start to think gosh can I be a girlfriend and all of a sudden you realise just how strange you are... well I do anyway. I am so strange! My friends call me unique and special bla bla but basically they just don't even know how to describe me anymore. I don't know my left from right. I can't say the word cinnamon, or spaghetti, or millionaire. I trip over nothing, my geography is appalling and I say the first thing that comes into my head. The flip side of dating is not only do you look at yourself more but others look at you more! (kind of how it works) and sometimes it feels like you are under a microscope. I have been called fat, ugly, obese, wonky, too nice, to caring, up tight, crazy.... (it hasn't all been bad I've had some nice things too) and sometimes you are left feeling updatable, unlovable and an alien to the world. 

I have come off dates and second dates and thought, what did I do wrong? What do I need to change? In fact every time it doesn't go well I question myself. The biggest one is am I too 'nice'!? Well what bullshit. I mean I'm no angel but I will give people a chance and I ware my heart on my sleeve. I've tried playing hard to get and be a bitch and yeah it does work to a degree but it's not me. I refuse to let my heart become hard because guys claim they don't want nice girls. I'm hoping that even though I feel like a doormat that it will pay off. 

I'm not looking for a fairytale I'm just hoping there is someone equally as messed up as me. Someone who's crazy matches mine. I don't want perfect I just want honest. Dating is complicated and messy but we have all been there.

I am a John Watson in a world full of Sherlock's.

So the click. Do you agree? Or disagree? 

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