Italy.

So I became one of those people that so desperately wanted to get out of her home town in hopes that she could somehow fix what was going on in her head, as if the place was somehow to blame. It's crazy what we convince ourselves will help when we are in a bad place. Although it didn't 'fix' anything, it did help.

While I was there we visited a hazelnut farm and this is where I met the most amazing woman, who for some unknown reason just spoke to me so deeply I couldn't ignore it. The crazy thing is we couldn't even communicate properly due to the language barrier, but her face told a thousand stories. I did manage to  find out a little about her, the year she spent in England, when she got married, had children and how she couldn't be away from Italy. Her lifestyle is remarkable, to live is to live off the land. Chickens, pigs, vegetables, chillies and most of all Hazelnuts. The hazelnut farm was eye opening. I defiantly have a new found level of appreciation of Nutella.

Collected and sorted. 

It is amazing how when you just take a moment to look, and I mean really look you can learn so much. Everything about this woman showed me the things that I want in life.

Firstly she made me realise that I do actually want a family one day.  For the past couple years I had convinced myself that I didn't want children. I didn't want to bring anyone into this world who could in anyway turn out to be like me, struggle with what I struggle with or have some of my traits. I didn't want to bring another life into this world, only for them to wish it away. But this was changed. I want a family, children I can mother, and be proud of, to help them not be like me but to love them with the love I know I am capable of. I want to watch them fall in love, have children and be proud to call me mum. Italians have a way of family that I wish England had, a true sense of belonging.

The other biggest impact this woman had on me, was the desire I had to grow old gracefully. Maybe it was the over worked hands, the silver hair, or the wrinkles that she so effortlessly wore. very rarely do you see an elderly woman in England so natural, so untouched. It was pure beauty in my eyes. I hope that one day my body can tell a story to someone someday.

Pure Beauty.

Italy was not easy, there were days when I was physically and emotionally eghaussted, however it was a well needed rest, and some good tim away. It does help in some weird way to leave a place that you live and see parts of the world, and meet new people. I am thankful for the week away and the moments of joy that came with it. I am truly blessed.